bedtime

I guess I should go to bed.
but I'm scared of the dark, and
the walls are making strange noises.

(I'm so jealous of your
tranquility
that I could tear your head off.
Don't come in here again.)

[ tragedy ]

it happens every time I think my life has taken a turn
 (for the better), when i let my guard down
 let you in-- 
here, the lights dim, the cherry blossoms fall-
but i'm really the one without defense, aren't i? 
         and underneath 
your quivering chest
 you hold the dagger-- i hate you

(one of these days
     i'll    stop lying to myself)

faces

I wish I had a face for every day. 
I could keep them in a jar like 
  Eleanor Rigby
trade in my old face and
    mold a new one into place
when I wanted a change.

Then no one would know what I was thinking, and I could hide behind expressionlessness and I could say anything without pretending to believe the bullshit coming out of my mouth. (You're a jackass and you know I know it.)

life is easier on drugs

i fold down into myself,
   the secret to eternal life--

so vague, the results come up
in pieces, like the puzzle of your heart
scattered in hidden places; i'd never guess
the password. you locked down
locked away
everything i grasped for

i hate you
pacing every night looking for exactly
the right thing--
you must know every thing's wrong.

ghosts shadow the walls:
the ghosts of elephants
and strangled infants.

you know

 i pretend to be sane
because madness would break
me

[to be refined]

heartbreak november
you pull me in
    one side falls into
the redemption of a meltingman, the
other back to the glowing eyes of
saints, where i will not be saved even--
avemaria
      -- then 
will i return, or tumble forward

amnesia heartbreak

someone told me,
      we are alive because we forget the moments when we died.

... so why do i remember you so well?

Shameless

  Stamp your feet on
the dirty floor, bare feet, bare mind (simple)
flung back--bare--
at least you’ve gotten your diamonds
 (completely naked)
lying on the floor, lying
to me saying Never had it this good before--
now where’s the money haven’t had a smoke in
Ages ten twenty where, save me
two-edged sword double sexy
 (twice as achey-breaky)--
Choking on your artificial bones, where
Does the silicon end where
do you begin?