life is easier on drugs

i fold down into myself,
   the secret to eternal life--

so vague, the results come up
in pieces, like the puzzle of your heart
scattered in hidden places; i'd never guess
the password. you locked down
locked away
everything i grasped for

i hate you
pacing every night looking for exactly
the right thing--
you must know every thing's wrong.

ghosts shadow the walls:
the ghosts of elephants
and strangled infants.

you know

 i pretend to be sane
because madness would break
me