vernalagnia

thrust
back your
head
           darling, let me in--
you're making this so
  hard
for me. I must be
crazy/daft/mad
or i wouldn't put up with--
( shadows moving on the satin earth )
chase me with your fingers,
all arching
in the crescent moon, spilling
over
    -- don't
forget who you are, remind me who
i am --


take me down
    to the river
in the deep dark

let me drink
you

rusty [crappy poetry]

you think
you know what lonely means
until
you bump into someone
in the long hallway
find the courage
( find your voice--rusty ) to
wearily apologize--

there isn't the awkward
dancing eyes that you
expected, nor the
awkward smile--

they did not feel it.
save your breath.

parody/ox

this change
defies intuition, your breath on my neck
too sweet for truthereal. i
want you so badly but you laugh
   ( no less in my face )
and disparate, disapparate--
my head spins, and its your
fault, sweet valentine. does that make you
   smile?

[That makes one of us, anyway.]

bedtime

I guess I should go to bed.
but I'm scared of the dark, and
the walls are making strange noises.

(I'm so jealous of your
tranquility
that I could tear your head off.
Don't come in here again.)

[ tragedy ]

it happens every time I think my life has taken a turn
 (for the better), when i let my guard down
 let you in-- 
here, the lights dim, the cherry blossoms fall-
but i'm really the one without defense, aren't i? 
         and underneath 
your quivering chest
 you hold the dagger-- i hate you

(one of these days
     i'll    stop lying to myself)

faces

I wish I had a face for every day. 
I could keep them in a jar like 
  Eleanor Rigby
trade in my old face and
    mold a new one into place
when I wanted a change.

Then no one would know what I was thinking, and I could hide behind expressionlessness and I could say anything without pretending to believe the bullshit coming out of my mouth. (You're a jackass and you know I know it.)

life is easier on drugs

i fold down into myself,
   the secret to eternal life--

so vague, the results come up
in pieces, like the puzzle of your heart
scattered in hidden places; i'd never guess
the password. you locked down
locked away
everything i grasped for

i hate you
pacing every night looking for exactly
the right thing--
you must know every thing's wrong.

ghosts shadow the walls:
the ghosts of elephants
and strangled infants.

you know

 i pretend to be sane
because madness would break
me