[dream of consciousness]

I was standing under the canopy when he came by with death marching on his face-- his wrinkles all curved into his grim mouth so I couldn't see if he was smiling or not daring. I thought the rain would stop, but it kept on as he went by. He didn't have an umbrella, but it didn't matter to me because I knew this was a test of will, not memory.

--He shouldn't have been that old but the losing aged him. I didn't have to know to understand; it was my waiting time as well, knowing I had so much time but wasting it here instead of running to catch the taxi. Too much time. Not enough.

I wondered as he receded into the blur if I could be him, if someone would look at me disdainfully, I'll-never-become-you-fully-- coming full circle until soon enough our eyes shut and fade. Wondering, would I ever realize that I had become him at all.

The bus did come, but I thought so hard that I missed my stop and went around again while the driver stared at me in the mirror as he made the turns. I didn't look at him-- I watched the streets blurring with madness, red traffic blurring into the blue edges of skyscrapers into the black of womens' tight skirts into the glitter of their copper shoes.

Everything changes but curves back into nothingness again, spinning inevitably on the precarious axis of fortune. No matter how many times I read the story, I'm never ready for the ending when it comes.

(Fortunately, it never does. We'll never learn.)

sub/poetic

Gypsy on the
upline, go time – shake your bangled wrists at me
don’t let go sweaty hands eyes you should explain
what you’re waiting for since
i’m struggling with a half-star job restless
every lonely midnight wondering --
you stand so still, throaty husky bared like a
Secret
dare or something
- you’re not telling
nose pressed against the window,
Cut throat (laughter
would echo but has nowhere to go
inside outside arms like Sheb a
i thought you might have something wise
to say    but you lost me at
Goodbye      ) too soon 

afresh

First post in a new blog... washing my old sins away like rain, or something as equally cliche. I feel like this is another chance to be myself... not sure who I am behind the mask, but I can try.